Off The Shelf: Trouble Shooter

While Felon and I grew up and different parts of the country, we both have similar memories of buying/renting games based solely on the box art. This new segment is dedicated to that idea.

1991, Sega Genesis

Felon: So, we have two scantily-clad women who are obviously in the future and are dancing on roof tops avoiding gun fire?

Speeder: No no no, you don't get it. They're rogue aerobics instructors with jet packs. They are the only hope in this distopic future.

Felon: With futuristic space ships that verge on copyright infringement from the Aliens movie. Ok, my guess is going to be these two ladies are the protagonists of the game and they are fighting for freedom (or something). Also, some enemy forces are attacking and they have to escape the planet? I don't know...

Speeder: I'm going to go out on left field on this one and say that you  don't play as the aerobic instructors and that you actually play as the ships and you're trying to stop them.

Here's the description from the back of the box:

"When King Fredrick's only son and heir to the throne is kidnapped by Blackball, the mutant military weapons genius, an international disaster seems imminent.

Colonel Patch quickly contacts the "Trouble Shooter" to find Prince Eldon and destroy Blackball and his treacherous robotic underworld. You can imagine his surprise when two gorgeous girls show up, ready to do battle.

Madison and her faithful sidekick, Crystal, go through five stages of violent combat to rescue the Prince. They encounter all sorts of fearful creatures in their adventure throughout Blackball's domain. Will Prince Eldon survive? Can Madison destroy Blackball? Will the girls emerge from Blackball's evil empire safely? Only time will tell........"

Speeder: First off, Madison and Crystal: total stripper names. Second, the name "Trouble Shooter" is singular. Is Madison the Trouble Shooter? Is the name of the company they come from Trouble Shooter? So many unanswered questions!

Felon: Apparently in the future, there is still a monarchy in place. Also, really? You named your antagonist Blackball? That just conjures nothing but bad thoughts. Let's move on to the video of the game play.

Speeder: So pretty much it's a side-scrolling shooter, which based on the box art, surprises me. Also, Colonel Patch literally has an eye patch.

Felon: And for some reason they need a non-futuristic looking car to drive around, and then proceed to fly around with jet packs for the entire game. I don't get it. And the first boss is an awkwardly standing robot that pretty much just stands there and laughs at you while blowing kisses of death? The way the laughter was spelled also killed me. A giant H and a very small A.

Speeder: Look, you always want stronger female protagonists in your games. Beggars can't be choosers.

Felon: Well as they say "Truly, the best man for the job is a woman".

Speeder: You stole that from the back of the box, didn't you?

Felon: Maybe.